Utilitarianism

On these fine summer days, I'm doing a lot more walking — usually with the hound in tow — and lately I've been noticing how much my pockets jingle, crackle, and clink from all the small necessities I pack along. I think it's time to bring order to the chaos. I need a utility belt.

I've been shopping around, and rather than go for one of those clunky, military-style Boba Fett belts, I'd prefer the sleeker, elegant classic Batman look:

So what goes where? I'll tell you:

A. Shot of bourbon (Maker's Mark, 2 oz.)

B. 1 Greenie, 2 Pup-peronis, assorted mini-treats

C. iPod ear buds

D. Neutrogena SPF-30 sunblock spray

E. Roll of blue poop bags

F. Emergency/backup shot of bourbon

G. String cheese

H. MedKit: Excedrin, Blistex Herbal Answer

I. Roll of fivers*

*I'd make it a roll of twenties, but Linus and I often stop at the comics shop on the way home, and I'm liable to empty that cylinder every time.