Not-so-good Friday

April 14. The worst day there is.

I have loathed April 14 ever since the 5th grade — it was the day that evil scientist welded an excruciating contraption of torque screws and barbed wire onto my teeth. I looked forward to that day with dread, and look back on it now with disgust.

Since then, I have been in the ghoulish habit of noting the historic bleakness that accompanies this day:

April 14, 1846 - The Donner Party leaves Springfield, Illinois, on their ill-fated and gastronomically notorious journey to California.

April 14, 1865 - President Abraham Lincoln is assassinated by John Wilkes Booth — ironically, on the very day he establishes the Secret Service.

April 14, 1912 - The RMS Titanic strikes an iceberg in the North Atlantic.

April 14, 1935 - On "Black Sunday" the Dust Bowl states are hit by an apocalyptic dust storm, the worst in U.S. history.

April 14, 1944 - The English cargo ship Fort Stikine explodes in Bombay Harbor, killing more than 1,000 people.

April 14, 1970 - One of Apollo 13's oxygen tanks explodes en route to the moon, forcing the crew to make an emergency return to Earth.

April 14, 1986 - One-kilogram hailstones (the largest ever recorded) fall on Bangledesh, killing 90. Same day: Ronald Reagan orders a retaliatory bombing strike on Tripoli and Benghazi.

I don't know what day they actually nailed up Jesus, but it wouldn't surprise me in the least if it was on the 14th.

April 20 also seems to be a particularly nasty day (Hitler's birthday, the Waco standoff, the Oklahoma City bombing, the Columbine massacre), so maybe April 14 is really the kickoff to a historically unpleasant week. If nothing else, you have Tax Day stuck right in there.

When we were planning our April wedding four years ago, I gave Maus only one condition: Under no circumstances were we getting married between April 14 and April 20. We chose April 26, which seemed like a reasonably safe distance, and has worked out quite well for us. After all, I have nothing against April itself — on the contrary, the month that brings with it Daylight Savings Time and baseball's Opening Day (often on the same day) is much beloved by me.

But here we are, April 14, and here in Seattle the temperature has dropped to February levels. The pleasant sun we enjoyed earlier this week has given way to steady, cold, stinging rain. I woke up around 5 this morning with a migraine headache. The car nearly ran out of gas on my drive in to work. The pump at the gas station broke down while I was refueling. When I finally got to work, a well-meaning coworker greeted me with an energetic bear-hug/Heimlich-maneuver, making my throbbing head swell up to three times its normal size. I may throw up at any minute.

And it's only 10 AM.

April 14. I'm telling you, get to your bunkers and cover your heads.