“Fool hew-mans! There is no escape!”

State of the Union: Didn't watch it.

Justice Alito: Never heard of him.

Hamas: Not a fan.

Robot Monster: Now you're talking! What a movie! How did I go 34 years without ever setting aside the modest 60 minutes it takes to absorb this masterpiece of cinema? Well, I'm pleased to announce that this oversight has been rectified. That, people, was an hour well spent.

What's Robot Monster? Trust me, you know it. Pehaps not by name, but I'm sure there isn't a man, woman, or child who doesn't instantly recognize the monstrosity that is Ro-Man.

That's right — it's the infamous and endlessly lampooned man-in-gorilla-suit-and-diving-helmet. He has come to destroy all remaining life on Earth (all but eight “hew-mans” have fallen to Ro-Man's Calcinator Death Ray, which manifests itself either literally or symbolically as wrestling dinosaurs). All Ro-Man needs to complete his mission is a cave where he can set up his vanity-mirror communication panel and his trusty Billion Bubble Machine!

“There is no escape from me! Very well, I will recalculate. Your death will be indescribable. Fool hew-mans, there is no escape!”

There's a great write-up of the film on Cool Cinema Trash — pretty much everything that can be said about Robot Monster is there.

Plan 9 From Outer Space and Manos: The Hands Of Fate are Robot Monster's only credible competition for the title of Worst Movie Ever. Of the three, Robot is the only one that is laugh-out-loud bad (Plan 9 and Manos are more painful than entertaining). It's also the only one that feels like it's really trying, desperately trying to pull itself together. And it's certainly the only one that I actually enjoyed watching, and intend to watch again.

Do the right thing. Take an hour that would otherwise go to mediocre television, and donate it instead to the poetic, immortal awfulness of Robot Monster. Trust me, you will recalculate.